English

I hope you laugh as much as I did.  Note, some foul language and innuendos.

http://distractify.com/fun/fails/the-x-worst-asian-sign-translations-of-all-time/

What's in a sign? Laughs!

A FB post from my brother inspired this.  Enjoy!

Make sure to read the small sign

Overflow

I totally stole this from my sister who shared it with my dad on his FB page.  I was crying I was laughing so hard.  Enjoy.

http://www.971zht.com/pages/web.html?article=11726773

It's Music to My Ears

NO matter how one laughs, it's music to one's ears.  This Music and video made me laugh.  So here's a thank you to my sister-in-law, Megan for making my morning (sorry it took me so long to finally watch this).

Grocery Store

My friend Alyssa, posted this on Facebook and I laughed and laughed.  I hope you do too.

Because Aging has It's Perks

You get a better sense of humor, we hope.  I've had some existential crises this past year as I realize that I'm as old as my dad was when I was born, that the up and coming actors are younger than me, and that mortal life is INDEED very short.  SO with that in mind, I think it only appropriate to combat these somewhat depressing thoughts with some good old humor and laughing.  PLEASE join me in toasting to being in our 30's OR older.

Oh, and because I don't drink, imagine any references to hangovers as the mental shutdown that occurs after staying up WAY to late and to get up at the crack of dawn to exercise or having an all night marathon of dealing with sick kids.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/30-signs-youre-almost-30

It's Uncannily Accurate

I LOVE these videos.

Sweet Gluttony.

Introducing the shoulder devil.

It's All in the Hat

Jogging

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Di95Trumupc

Haiku-dos to you Tom

Hello, Biff.

Stand Up and Knock 'em Dead

I'm kicking of a stand up comedy stretch.  Enjoy.  Thanks for this one, Aaron.

Nerves

This is the last of the old time comedy streak.  Who doesn't love Don Knotts?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNWZo0UjLNQ

Quick Talk

It can make sense out of all sorts of wrong math.

I HOPE you enjoy this.

Bob Hope is appearing on the Dean Martin variety show, in this clip.

Stage Fright

I don't think I realized how funny some people are/were.

Dean and Jerry's

No, it's not ice cream, but they sure make me smile enough that Ben and Jerry's isn't full on attacking my waste line every time I get stressed ;)  Watching the show I can see why people gave Jerry Lewis all the credit, but I love that Jerry has always made it clear that they were a team.  Also, even though this team broke up, it was for the mutual benefit of both parties, and they respected each other as per this interview with Jerry Lewis (here is a longer interview-about 16 minutes- about their whole career together).

Chomping Chaplin

Coming Back with a Bang

I hope you had a great holiday.  I know I sure did.  Now that I'm back from a long weekend hiatus, here's some good old fashioned fun to start off the week.

When I saw this Three Stooges Skit, one particular part of it made me think of an SNL skit I saw a LONG time ago.  What do you think, was SNL inspired by the Three Stooges?

 

(link to the SNL skit is in the text above that reads 'SNL skit')

Shave and a Hair Cut

Two Bits.  I present Charlie Chaplin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaaDiCwfTxY

(if these links don't work, please let me know.)

I've Seen That Face Before

Let's be honest, I'm loving this week's theme.  It will probably spill over into next week.  Sticking with Vaudeville, here's another.  Now, I know that I've seen a lot of Vaudeville faces in my life (my mom is a huge fan of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.  My dad- The Three Stooges).  But there's something fun about recognizing someone when you HAVEN'T been watching a lot of their films.  So hopefully you recognize him/her too, and if you don't then I've also posted, by link, the more modern movie you've seen him/her in.

Hopefully you remember, if not, then hopefully this will jog your memory.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOMqqI-kzHY

Jumping Off Point

Vaudeville.  How can I describe this amazing variety show?  Do you know how many famous performers got started OR used this as a jumping off point to more famous paths?  Fred Astaire, Buster Keaton, Abbott and Costello, Harry Houdini, Drew Barrymore's famous family, Charlie Chaplin, Ella Fitzgerald, Henry Fonda, Judy Garland, George Gershwin... I could go on and on.  It was like SNL, American Idol, and Do You Think You Can Dance rolled into one and without the petty competition.  Really, it is just SO interesting and fun.  This one was filmed in 1928.  It's a little wild but fun.

A Shout Out to the Past: How Much?

Humor has been around a LONG time.  I thought it would be fun to do a little tribute to comedy past, this week.  So if you'd like to see the good old antics of names like Charlie Chaplin, Bob Hope, Dean Martin, Jerry Lewis, and other familiar names, then make sure to tune in this week.  Today I'll start out with one of my favorites.  My family as a copy of Abbott and Costello's greatest hits. I've already posted about their most famous act here.   Something I love about them is that many of their acts are fast talking to pull one over.  So will YOU give Me two tens for a five?

Phobia

I think Christopher Walkin can be hysterical.  Enjoy.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/16417

Over the Top

I love the over the top or lost in translation warning labels.  Here are a few (some with pics)


(Note that the patient is a dog and then read the orange blocked text)

It's a little harder to read this but it says- Caution: Consult Plumber before consumption

My son would totally need this warning.  "Jumping into toxic waste does not give you super powers"


Outdated Lake Bonneville Sign?

AND my favorite is one that I do NOT have a picture for BUT I saw it often growing up since it was on a toy gun....

Warning:  Do NOT point at the creature
- YEP, we gotta protect that creature.

Sideline Antics

You Can't Beat Old School

There's just something classic about the classics :)  

I'd Take the Ticket(s)

- but which ticket?

I love these guys (Key & Peele), unfortunately, I haven't seen much of their stuff because they do swear a lot or the videos are riddled with censor beeps.  I HAVE found two videos with no swearing so here's one.

* FYI:  I tell you about the swearing, because when I see something that makes me laugh, I'll often search for more from that same source,and maybe you do too.  I know that I get offended by too much swearing and that others are more sensitive to it than I am.  So I simply want to warn people BEFORE they do searches and then are surprised when they hear uncensored asterisks etc.

I DARE you NOT to laugh along.

It'll be virtually impossible.  I'm sure everyone has seen this at some point, but really, can you get too much of this?

Angel, He's Got Skills

Okay, these are the REAL Heroes

Sometimes people are just gifted in their ability to write in a humorous way.  For me, these people include; Patrick McManus, Lela Davidson, Gordon Korman, and the writers at cracked.com.

This article is one from cracked.com.  I will link the article here to give credit where it is due (fair warning cracked.com has a LOT of swearing).  I edited this article for the "clean flicks" version.  It's long, but I think it's informative, witty, and the picture captions are great.  If there are things that are still offensive, please forgive me and let me know quietly (all comments are monitored).  So without further ado...

5 Celebrities You Won’t Believe Were Crazy Awesome Soldiers

Original by: Jacopo della Quercia, Patrick Dugan  May 27, 2013

Most celebrities are profoundly disappointing in real life.  The dude who’s up on screen saving the world from an alien invasion is in real life a self-centered jerk who spends his off-hours berating wait staff for serving his foie gras at the wrong temperature.  That’s why we love to point out those rare occasions when famous people turn out to be way cooler than what their public image would have you believe.  For example...

#5. Bob Ross Was a Sergeant in the Air Force

The Celebrity:

Aside from maybe Jesus, famed painter Bob Ross was pretty much the nicest person who ever lived.  His Joy of Painting show, featuring Ross and his happy little clouds and trees, was the greatest art tutorial/ electronic babysitter/ sleep aid one could ask for.  

When we said he was nice, we meant it.  He was always smiling, always full of positive reinforcement for any viewers trying to paint along.  His voice never rose above that of a gentle lullaby, everything he did on the show was for free, and he donated his art to various PBS stations that aired his show, in order to help raise funds.  Oh, and he bottle-fed orphaned baby animals, on the air.  The man was, for all intents and purposes, a saint.

The Awesome:

As it turns out, there was a very good reason he was so mellow:  He spent 20 years screaming his lungs out, as a first sergeant for the United States Air Force... and hated it.  He was said to be “the guy who makes you scrub the latrine, the guy who makes you make your bed, the guy who screams at you for being late to work.”  That’s right.  The sweetest, kindest, most lovable character on TV this side of Mister Rogers spent half his life cosplaying as Sgt. Slaughter.

And maybe down in these trees, Charlie is hiding out, ready to gut you like a carp.

No photos exist of Sgt. Ross back in those days, and the man 100 percent liked it that way.  He had said that the reason he ultimately told the military to scram was because he was forced to be “a mean, tough person. And I was fed up with it.  I promised myself that if I ever got away from it, it wasn’t going to be that way anymore.”

Fortunately for him, Ross spent much of his non-screaming time speed-painting the Alaskan wilderness around him.  Soon, he became really good (and fast) at it and found that he could make more money selling his paintings than yelling at cadets for not having their boots properly spit-shined.  He promptly quit the military, vowed to never scream again, and focused solely on breezy paintings and baby animals.

Though that doesn't explain why animals always marched in step behind him.

So there you have it.  All those gentle drawings of fluffy clouds and serene landscapes actually stemmed from two decades of rage, anger, and hatred.  But you know what?  We think that was all still there, to the very end.  If you don’t believe us, just remember: The man painted with a knife.

Don't mess with me.  I can make your death look like a happy little accident.

#4. Jimmy Stewart Took a Break from Acting to Bomb the Germans

The Celebrity:

Jimmy Stewart was America’s Everyman, the Tom Hanks of his day.  The star of It’s a Wonderful Life garnered a reputation as a loveable scamp who always tried to do the right thing.  His positive karma was such that President Harry Truman once declared, “If Bess and I had a son, we’d want him to be just like Jimmy Stewart.”

"Though if he ever sported that silly cowlick, we'd disown him."

Though many of his later roles were darker in tone (he did several Hitchcock films and played a troubled trial lawyer in Anatomy Of A Murder), the public’s perception of him remained that of a swell guy who wouldn’t have harmed a fly, mainly because he didn’t have the strength to do so.

The Awesome:

Except he did; Jimmy Stewart was an extremely decorated war hero, with a military career spanning three decades from 1940 to 1968.  That’s right -- before Pearl Harbor made fighting Japan the cool thing to do, Stewart had made history as the first major American actor to join the war effort.  And if you think this was just some PR stunt so he could get some easy street cred with middle America, think again.

Every time a bell rings, Jimmy kills another Nazi

See, Stewart would have had an easy excuse to avoid any actual danger -- he actually failed the army’s height and weight requirements when he tried to enlist.  But he was determined to fight for his country and decided to do so as a combat pilot. He swiftly gained 10 pounds, joined the Army Air Corps, and logged more than 300 hours of flight training, just to prove he could do it.  Even then, he had to constantly fight to get anything but an instructor or desk job, both due to his age (he was in his 30's) and his superiors not wanting to risk a beloved celebrity getting blown to bits on their watch.  But he kept pushing and eventually was deployed to active duty over England.  He quickly established himself as his squadron’s leader, due to equal parts bravado, expertise and conveniently having more Oscars than anyone in the room.

Stewart led many bombing runs on Nazi factories and military production centers and led a squadron of bombers in the Battle of Berlin, which would later be referred to as “Black Thursday,” due to the excessive number of American casualties suffered.  All of this led to an impressive chest of medals by the time he was mustered out of active duty in 1946, due to the war ending and him being near 40.

"This commemorates your bravery, dedication, and how cool you were when I asked for an autograph for my niece; she totally loves you."

But Stewart didn’t just win a war and then go home to play pretend for the rest of his life.  No, he remained in the Air Force Reserve for an additional 22 years, worked on a military base during the Korean War, and even flew a non-combat mission in Vietnam.  By the time Stewart finally retired, he had reached the rank of Brigadier (one star) General.  Ironically, he only appeared in a couple of war movies (The Mountain Road and Malaya) as he claimed they were “almost never realistic.”  Also, let’s face it: After conquering the military for real, merely pretending to do so would've been too boring.

#3. Steve Buscemi Became Part of the 9/11 Rescue Effort

The Celebrity:

Steve Buscemi is the go-to actor for when you need a whiney, loudmouthed schnook who always gets his muscular friends to do his fighting for him.  He’s usually cast as one of two things: a snaky criminal or snarky comic relief.  Neither role requires he be a physically intimidating man, only a slightly unhinged one.  In short, not very impressive at all, right?

The Awesome:

Wrong. As it turns out, Steve Buscemi isn’t snarky, unhinged, or whiny.  In fact, he’s a 9/11 hero.

And he always tips 20 percent.

He had the skills for it.  Where many actors will wait tables, work as studio go-fers, or perform one of a hundred other degrading jobs while waiting for their big break, Buscemi took the less-traditional route of becoming a New York City firefighter.  He did that until 1985, when he started getting gigs that didn’t involve running into gigantic open flames on the regular.  But he never forgot his roots, and this was never more evident than on September 11, 2001.

Many celebrities “helped” after the terrorist attacks by organizing fundraisers, handing out water and coffee, or recording horrible music that was no less horrible just because it was “for the heroes.”  Buscemi, again, bucked the trend by going right back into firefighter mode, returning to his old firehouse and volunteering for service.  Right alongside the decidedly non-famous crew of FDNY Engine 55, he busted butt for up to 12 hours at a time, shoveling out debris and rubble and pulling survivors out of the wreckage.  Countless people who might otherwise have perished can now say, without hyperbole, that Mr. Pink saved their lives.

They later repaid the favor by being literally the only people to go see Burt Wonderstone.

There’s a real good chance you didn’t hear about this in the aftermath of the attacks, but it’s not because the media ignored it.  Rather, Buscemi wanted us to ignore it.  He refused to talk about it in interviews, simply saying, “these are my brothers.”  He showed absolutely zero interest in turning his duty into a publicity stunt.  That’s why there are only a couple of pictures of Buscemi hard at work; here, he’s the dapper chap in the upper-left corner.

“Everyone ignore Jim:  He’s pretending to pose for beefcake calendars again.”

After 9/11, Buscemi went back to showing off his crazy eyes on the big screen, but he has never forgotten his firefighting roots, even when it gets him in trouble.  In 2003, less than two years after 9/11, Buscemi’s old firehouse was deemed useless by the NYC government and was slated to close.  Buscemi showed up with a bunch of other firefighters to protest this decision, with the entire group ultimately arrested for their efforts.  He continues to support firefighters and their struggles to this day, proving that he only acts because he’s too old to work his dream job any longer.

#2. Vidal Sassoon Was a Member of an Anti-Nazi Street Gang

The Celebrity:

Despite Adam Sandler’s worst efforts, hairdresser is about the least masculine job in modern society.  Vidal Sassoon, hair-whisperer and shampoo-namer extraordinaire, fit the stereotype perfectly, garnering a world-wide reputation for being fabulous and not much else.  The most violent he would ever get was when he had to screw up a particularly gnarly set of split ends.

The Awesome:

Even the boot camp barber couldn’t bring himself to shave off hair that glorious.

Sassoon would beg to differ.  Long before aiding and abetting humanity’s obsession over the dead mass growing out of our heads, he was a Nazi-bashing teenager in a group of Jewish militants.  And when we say “bashing,” we mean that quite literally.

As you might have noticed, the end of World War II didn’t mean the end of Jews putting up with racism.  British politician Sir Oswald Mosley started teaching the wonderful lessons of a now very dead Hitler, starting the British Union of Fascists and just generally being a high-level jerk.

He’s so close to being the single most punchable person on Earth.

A bunch of English Jews, who had just returned from fighting Nazis on the frontlines, heard about Mosley’s campaign and gave a resounding, “Bugger that bunch of bollocks.”  They started the 43 Group, an anti-Mosely gang determined to stamp out any possible spread of anti-Semitism in London.

Most of the leaders were crusty old war vets, so 17-year-old Vidal Sassoon, a teenage apprentice at a London hair salon and avid anti-anti-Semite, joined the Group’s street team.  Unlike most street teams, Sassoon and Friends didn’t just hand out flyers and hold bake sale fundraisers.  No, they marched right into anti-Semitic rallies, and broke them up on the spot.  They would do this violently if the need arose, which it usually did.  Sassoon would successfully beat the snot out of scores of Nazis, armed only with razor blades and knives.  All he needed was a side-job selling meat pies made out of people, and he would

ve literally been the real-life Sweeney Todd.

“You can’t even imagine what I can do with this.”

This was all done in secrecy, forcing Sassoon to hide or explain away any mysterious scars and bruises that he suffered.  Once, he came to work with a gigantic shiner and, when questioned by his boss what happened, Sassoon merely said, “I just fell over a hairpin.”  Clearly, he was a much better fighter than he was a liar.

#1. Star Trek’s James Doohan Got Shot Six Times on D-Day

The Celebrity:

James Doohan was an actor so typecast, it probably would've been easier on him to just legally change his name to “Scotty.”  Doohan was the lovably-beleaguered engineer from Star Trek, and virtually nothing else.  He found very little work outside of being Scotty, and his “Ah’m givin’ ‘er uhl sheh’s gut, Cap’n!” is about the only thing people remember, aside from his being the most stereotypically Scottish character in history aside from Groundskeeper Willie.

“Oh, because I’m Scottish you automatically assume I can play the bagpipes?!  Goodness, just give them here.”

The Awesome:

It’s really too bad that Doohan was seen as a sci-fi engineer and nothing else, because he had so much more to offer.  You don’t command, fight in, and survive D-Day by being a talentless hack, after all.  Doohan was a member of the Canadian Air Force around the time of World War II and was so good at what he did that he could afford to risk his life purely for kicks and giggles.  At one point, somebody dared him to hop in his plane and slalom between a series of telephone poles, and he successfully did just that.  That stunt earned him the painfully uncatchy title of “craziest Pilot in the Canadian Air Force.”  It also earned him severe reprimands from his superiors.  Still, totally worth it, bro.

In World War II, “severe reprimand” just meant that you had to buy everyone’s drinks.

Doohan wasn’t just stunts and insanity though; he was an artillery captain, leading his men to battle during the D-Day invasion of Normandy.  Doohan survived, but took one for the team.  Actually he took six for the team, as he was shot that many times in the legs and hands, ultimately leading to teh amputation of his right middle finger.

Now, chances are you didn’t ever see a nine-fingered Scotty while watching Star Trek.  That’s because instead of giving the character in origin tale where his birdie finger was shot off in a tragic Phaser accident back at the Academy, Doohan chose to hide the amputation.  You rarely saw his hands close up and, when you did, they weren’t his, but rather a stunt double.  Of course, sometimes a stunt double wasn’t an option and we got this as a result:

“Live long and...oh, right"